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By Carolyn Steber March 16, It can be tough to pinpoint the exact qualities that make someone coolsince pretty much everyone has a different idea of what "cool" is. For some, it's a leather-coat-wearing, motorcycle-riding rebel. For others, it's the lead singer of a band, a scientist winning the Noble Prize, or just that really nice girl down the street. These people are wildly different, and yet they're all considered cool because they project a certain "something" that makes them stand out. And that's why, even though coolness can come in a variety of shapes and sizes, it is possible to identify a few traits that connect all cool people together. Julie Gurner tells Bustle.

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The problem with "gone girl" is that there's no "cool girl"

That's why I, a real live woman, liked that movie. But, for everyone's sake, please don't tell this new guy about all the other times you were crazy to other dudes. The coolest people are the ones who takes classes, read books, have ideas, and who remained open-minded through it all. Of course it's okay to want to know what the other person is thinking, but there is bliss to be found in taking things slowly and indulging in every second of that thrilling, terrifying slowness.

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If it's a dating long con, it's a terrible one. For some, it's a leather-coat-wearing, motorcycle-riding rebel. And they're passionate about them. Diaz's Mary doesn't suffer bullshit gladly. You must leave your prior relationship baggage and hang ups at the door before entering this brand new relationship. They're not an anti-feminist plot created to make women fake and weak; they're not a personal assault on more classically "ladylike" chicks; they're not a long con on the woman's part to lock down a man and fill her womb with his girk via trickery; and most importantly, fighting against the "chick who can hang" as Amy Schumer calls it doesn't make you a righteous cultural warrior — it makes you a person gigl is very invested in having all women conform to a wihh specific set of cultural behaviors.

Just stop. I can tell you from my own personal experience which is really all that any of these pieces are going on that being a funny, loud, beer-swilling, shit-talking woman scares most men to death.

And it's not to say that they don't have insecurities or anxieties, or that they don't care. And it's a problem that has everything to do with sexism, and frankly, nothing to do with loving corn dogs, threesomes, or short-sheeting the bed. The reason this is "cool" is because people find passion intriguing.

By Carolyn Steber March 16, It can be tough to pinpoint the exact qualities that make someone coolsince pretty much everyone has a different idea of what "cool" is. These people are wildly different, and yet they're all considered cool because they project a certain "something" that makes them stand out. But why do we assume that these "cool girls" are lying?

For that matter, how the hell do we know that any "cool girl" we see slamming picklebacks at the bar takes men's shit?

Why women prefer 'chill' guys

So maybe, before going on that drunken, text-long, raging rant, take a deep breath, put down your phone and calmly talk it out in the morning. Let's put aside the fact that this passage harshly interrupts the flow of a tightly-plotted mystery novel to basically just rag on Cameron Diaz. But it's almost percent internal.

This is your time to shine. Let's get one thing straight: Farty, funny, beer drinking, emotionally guarded, sexually adventurous and generally relaxed adult women do exist. Nearly 10 years after the rise of Sarah Silverman, gil wouldn't think we'd still have to be arguing about whether a woman who is acting raunchy is putting on an act.

It's a middle school habit that often persists through the rest of our lives. All that's missing is how exactly you're going to mess this one up.

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Give your drunken alter ego a few days off You can be one hot mess, but maybe this guy does not need to know this just yet. In the same interview, Flynn all but comes out and admits that the "cool girl" rant was directly inspired chilll There's Something About Mary-era Cameron Diaz — a character who, yes, loves fattening foods and sports, but where does she take shit from men, or smile beatifically upon their bad behavior?

The "cool girl" is just the latest version of the "manic pixie dream girl" — a socially sanctioned way to gang up against and rag on a certain type of woman, while falsely claiming that we're somehow doing hirl for the overall good of womankind.

These are the criteria for general dudeness, and by acknowledging this we must also acknowledge the criteria for general ladyness, which is typically thought of as a softer, gentler, more feelings-driven creature who is less reflexively impressed by violence, poor manners, pranks, booze as a lifestyle, and meat products. For others, it's the lead singer of a band, a scientist winning the Noble Prize, or just that really nice girl down the street. He's funny; he's hot.

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She's the farthest thing from a doormat — that's why women liked that movie, too. One doesn't even need to point to the fact that the Patron Saints of Cool Girl, Sarah Silverman and Cameron Diaz, remain unmarried into their Jusst to make this case. You know this and your friends know this; now let this new dude see it as well. Well, I have some sad and difficult news to report to you: You are a filthy, filthy liar, you don't actually like any of that stuff, and you're just pretending you do to please men.

The thrust of this passage, and the collective opinion of the Internet, seems to be that women like this don't actually exist — giirl if women behave like one of the guys then they are putting on an act, fooling themselves in the process, and ultimately playing the tomboy card in order to win the affections of men.

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot xool and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Stop dwelling on the past Yea, that other dude treated you like garbage, but guess what?