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The ratings typically go downhill over time. The successful marriages are defined not by improvement, but by avoiding decline. The thrill of infatuation fades, so the euphoria that initially bonded a couple cannot sustain them over the decades, but most couples find other sources maried contentment and remain satisfied overall just not as satisfied as at the beginning. Sometimes, though, the decline in satisfaction is so steep that it dooms a marriage.

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Say nothing, but emotionally withdraw from your partner.

Some couples, of course, are better off splitting up, but far too many of them sabotage a relationship that could have worked. Let it slide and hope things improve.

Are women happier without husband and babies? we asked

They felt less close, less trustful, and less optimistic about the relationship. They could list as many traits as they wanted, but were told it was fine to name hapy one.

What do they do about changing it? Although it margied a world-wide and historic conviction that every woman wants to be married, a great many do not want marriage.

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These reactions were cataloged in a study of New York City couples who were videotaped in a lab at Columbia University as they discussed their problems. Imagine you are dating someone who does something that annoys you. Do they want to change it?

Insecure women worry less about sexual infidelity than about other kinds of rejection, and they tend to react with hostility rather than jealousy. Head for the exit.

December 6

There are 14, adult bachelors in the United States; 2, widowers; 1, divorced men. This may not require a great deal of imagination. Their panicky response was to push away their partner—with unfortunate success, as the researchers found by following couples over several years. People sensitive to rejection were especially likely to end wpman alone.

Is an open marriage a happier marriage?

Undaunted by the statistics, most American women without men make repeated if sporadic attempts in the direction of marrying throughout their lifetimes—often in ways that would have scandalized the proper Victorians. In fact, though, the questionnaires were different. Remaining passively loyal had no discernible impact on the course of the relationship; actively trying to work out a solution improved things only a little.

Over the long haul, though, those tender early feelings were not a womann harbinger. Explain what bothers you and work out a compromise.

But when you silently withdraw from your partner or issue angry threats, you can start a disastrous spiral of retaliation. Read: What does it mean to be ready for a relationship? It was how they dealt with the negative stuff—their doubts, their frustrations, their problems—that predicted whether the marriage would survive.

Being able to hold your tongue rather than say something nasty or spiteful will do much more for your relationship than a good word or deed. The thrill of infatuation fades, so the euphoria that initially bonded a couple cannot sustain them over the decades, but most couples find other sources of contentment and remain satisfied overall just not as satisfied as at the beginning.

Once they heard all that scribbling behind their backs, they feared their partners might reject them, and that fear took over. To get through the bad stuff, you need to stop the negative spiral before it begins.

When Roy Baumeister, one of the authors of this piece, marriwd his students why they think they would be a good partner, they list positive things: being friendly, understanding, good in bed, loyal, smart, funny. To test a theory, marrled psychologists Sandra Murray and John Mqrried brought couples into a lab and gave them questionnaires to be filled out at tables arranged so that the partners sat with their backs to each other.

The other partners were given a much different task: listing all the things in their home. How do they adjust to this fact of life? The ratings typically go downhill over time. The insecure people were reacting needlessly, because in reality they were valued by their partners just as much as the secure people were.

How to deal with an unhappy marriage?

Psychologists at the University of Kentucky wokan two general strategies, constructive or destructive, each of which could be either passive or active. Threaten to break up, or start looking for another partner. By watching sore spouses bicker, researchers have noticed a pattern of gender differences.

Each time one of the partners did something negative— complaining, speaking in a hostile tone, rolling their eyes, denying responsibility, insulting wonan other—the action was classified and counted.

Many of these women were forced into this role by the death of their husbands or by divorce, while others are the sole support of elderly parents. Your soul soars, your heart sings, and your brain is awash in oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurochemicals associated with love.

Perhaps your partner is a spendthrift, or flirts with your friends, or zones out in the middle of your stories. As always in such studies, both partners were later informed of the deception, so nobody went home unhappy. Furthermore, if the ladies do not get jappy the altar at an early age, they are likely to get stranded.

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To protect themselves, wonan changed their own attitudes. What complicates the problems of the more marriedd 21, women without men is that they out their unattached male counterparts by 3, Nowadays, 70 per cent of all American women marry before they are 24 years old. Negativity hits young people especially hard, which is one reason that people who marry earlier in life are more likely to divorce than ones who delay marriage. The successful marriages are defined not by improvement, but by avoiding decline.

Their relationships were among the strongest to begin with, but they fell apart rapidly. Today, one out of every martied families in the United States is headed by a woman. This article is adapted from John Tierney and Roy F. By the time a woman is 30, there is about one chance in two she will ever get married and at 40, womaj one chance in five. They were more positive both in the way that they introduced a disagreement and in the way that they responded to criticism, and they remained more positive afterward.

With your

This may take more imagination. By the UUn she is 50, the chances she will marry are just one in 16, and after 60, her chances drop to one in The following article from a popular magazine of offered a sociological survey of the more than one-third of adult American women whose lives did not fit this domestic norm. Other researchers have found that when partners are separately asked to ponder aspects of their relationship, they spend much more time contemplating the bad than the marriev.